I'll say it so that none of you have to: most food tastes like cardboard without emulsifiers, fats and oils. There, I said it. It's out there. Done. Finit-o. I must admit that i have never used the term finit-o in my life, but I can clearly see my father saying it at some point during my childhood, perhaps after eating the last bite of a bacon-laced bowl of lentil soup. "Finit-o!"

I'm sure I parroted the term at least once. But when? I cannot conjure a circumstance when that silly word would fall from my mouth. Perhaps if I had been a young student of magic I would have closed my act with the phrase. But the truth of the matter is that I was never a magic student ! Never!

I wanted to be, sure, but I never actually went to classes. I couldn't get a ride. And so I stood aside and watched my childhood friend and current neighbor Sherwood Day learn trick after trick. He'd come home, gleeful from magic class, and show off a sleight-of-hand maneuver. Or he'd shuffle plastic cups and force me to guess which one covered a little white ball. I was wrong every time! Beaten by this annoying soul!

Don't you do it! Do not take pity on me!

I tell you with full heart that I am happy without magic in my life! I say those words without need of an absurdly long scarf to dry my tears!

Enough! Finit-o!

Your weekly reduction!

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